Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jun 28, 2014 23:00:24 GMT -6
“In theory there’s no overlap. Dunno about actuality though. Especially if they’re like me an’ try to stay hidden more often than not,” she told him with another quiet laugh. “Frankly I think I’d rather keep my own threats. Bakin’ an’ coffee ‘s just a tiny bit safer than…Holy missions. Most days.” It was a slight joke, of course. Her way of attempting to put Azrael a little more at ease considering the content of their current conversation. “I also don’t mind you talkin’ about it, just so you know. ‘S not like you can sit yourself down on a couch an’ go ‘So there’s this thing that I can turn into’ because that’s not exactly sense makin’ to regular people.”
Her curiosity was evident from her expression alone as she listened to him speak about his own lineage. “It was something that must have been dormant then,” she thought aloud as they stopped at a crossroads. Winter pressed the button and waited for their turn to walk even though the roads were much quieter. “Since it wasn’t directly from your parents but still within your lineage. Why haven’t you talked to anyone in your family about all of it?” It was a question that had slipped from her lips without permission. A sheepish look accompanied by a quietly stuttered apology followed and for a long moment she was silent. “Thank you for even talkin’ to me about all this then,” Winter said with no small amount of respect in her voice.
“’S kinda funny you say that. About your faith, I mean. Faith ‘s somethin’ I struggle with all the time.“ She was well aware of the irony that came from her admitting that to him. “Not exactly on the best of terms with the big guy.” For a minute she simply watched the traffic before turning to look up at him. “The way I see it there’s good an’ bad to everyone. An’ there’s not a person in the world right now that’s wholly good. We’ve all got some kinda blood on our hands. But every single monster that I've met? They've been human through an' through. You're not a monster to me.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jun 28, 2014 23:24:02 GMT -6
Michael chuckled. "That is a much safer line of work, I must admit. I guess to each their own." He stared out at the road, watching a car drive by as he listened to what she said. "I'm glad you don't mind. It isn't something that's easy to talk about... Hell, I think you're the first person I've actually talked about this with. You don't have to apologize for asking about why I've holed that part of me up," he said. "Let's just say that my childhood wasn't... ideal. It instilled a lot of the values that I still hold, but it's not a part of my life I'd ever like to relive."
Michael looked down at his feet for a moment, letting a moment of silence pass. "I don't blame you. I question what I believe in all the time," he admitted. "I don't even know if what I'm doing is right, but... it's what I was taught, and that's something hard to break away from. I don't know if I can just assign myself to a shade of gray though. I mean, I'm always feeling like I'm just in this place of evil, especially when I'm... in another form. It's hard to reconcile, I guess."
Noticing that the light had shifted, he led the way across. The dark clouds that hung over them hadn't let out any rain yet, but he could tell that rain would come soon enough. Once they'd reached the other side, he turned to the right as they began to make their way closer to where he lived. "Thanks for not believing I'm a monster though, Winter. I don't think I can be that confident in myself, but it's nice to know not everyone who's seen that other side thinks that."
|
|
Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jun 29, 2014 10:18:20 GMT -6
“Much, much safer,” Winter agreed with a small laugh. “With the added bonus of cookies, coffee, an’ people watchin’.” The fact that she was practically the first person he had ever talked to about the whole thing left her feeling more than a little humbled. One shoulder lifted up in a slight shrug as she became aware of the wind starting to pick up. “Apologizin’ comes kinda naturally to me for some reason,” she explained with some amusement before the smile on her face became a frown. “Mm I…sometimes forget that not everyone had a delightfully blissful to the supernatural upbringin’.”
Toeing the sidewalk with her converse, she scoffed quietly. Not towards Azrael but rather his sentiment about what was right. “’S nice to know that ‘m not the only one that struggles with that, honestly.” She let her head fall back to glance up at what little bit of the night sky she could see, laughing a little as she did so before glancing back to him once more. “Y’know if y’think about it that’s actually pretty damn human of us. So…there’s that.” There was a little bit of a smile touching her lips as she regarded him with curiosity again. “What’s it that y’shift in to? I mean in hindsight back in the alley you looked like you were ready to at any moment but you ended up stayin’ people shaped the whole time.”
Do not walk turned into walk and Winter fell into step beside the shifter once more, hands jammed back into her pockets after she had hastily tied back her hair. “There’s nothin’ to thank, really. My faith in Him may be a bit touch an’ go thanks to that whole some of my family wantin’ to kill me thing. But people? ‘S always been easier for me to have faith in people. Yes there’s bad. Yes you have a darker side. But ‘s rooted in good. Which ‘s what’s important. An’ ‘s what friends are for—“ Her eyebrows furrowed a little when she realized what she’d said. “I-If you want me to be, I mean. Sorry.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jun 29, 2014 22:53:30 GMT -6
"Yeah... the past is the past, though. I try to keep it that way, for the most part," Michael said. "And I doubt there's anyone in this world who doesn't struggle with right and wrong. It's just... the level of complexity that varies. Some people struggle with things like whether or not to pick up some money on the street. Others struggle between helping someone or staying silent and walking by... And then there's people like me, I guess."
Michael had to think for a moment to find the right words to describe his shift form. "I guess the best way to describe it would be a overgrown shark-hybrid. It's got the claws for killing mixed in with tough hide. It's quite powerful and effective... Sometimes, it feels like it has a mind of its own." He looked down at the ground for a moment, remembering the urges to kill, the thoughts that had fed his rage and propelled him to kill. "I only shift when it's absolutely necessary, and it's rarely to anything else. I like to keep myself away from other forms as much as possible."
"I'm glad you can have faith in people," Michael began, before he heard her mention being a friend. His breath caught in his throat. He could count on one hand the number of friends he had, and 'friend' was a loose substitute for 'little more than acquaintances'. He'd been alone for so long that he clung to that surprising offer, even though he knew he wasn't the ideal friend for a person. Michael didn't know what Winter saw in him - hell, he'd been ready to shoot her only a little while earlier. But if she was willing to put some faith in him, he would do his very best to reciprocate. "Hey, no need to apologize. If you're willing to give me a chance after that meeting of ours back there, I'd be honored," Mike smiled. "I haven't had a friend in so long, I don't even remember what it's like to have one."
|
|
Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jun 30, 2014 1:23:07 GMT -6
“Guess that ‘s kinda hard to keep the past in the past when days gone by keep tryin’ to sneak back up on ya.” Winter herself had the unfortunate knack of doing exactly that. Without meaning to, of course. The wind started to pick up even more and she found herself feeling glad that she’d had the forethought to put her hair back just moments earlier. There was a moment of silence that fell over them as she thought about her next words. Almost as if she were weighing just how she wanted to say it. “Y’know that sounds kinda funny to me. The way you worded that, I mean. Like you’re intentionally separatin’ yourself from the rest of the world…even in the way you speak.”
When Azrael had finally gathered his thoughts and explained his shifting, her eyebrows furrowed together slightly. “A shark hybrid?” Surprise colored her voice, “That’s not one that I’ve ever heard of before. Then again I’ve only ever encountered wolf types since I found out about all this.” A sheepish expression slid onto her features as the first drops of rain started to fall. “ Um…’M not tryin’ to be funny at all, I promise. But if you’re a shark hybrid fella shouldn’t you have to have some sorta saltwater aquarium on your noggin?” Winter almost wished she could take back her question once it had been asked. It sounded so stupid. Pushing past her embarrassment, she nodded once. “That…God that sounds scary, actually."
Though her expression was still somewhat apologetic she couldn’t help the grin that appeared at his praise. “I try very hard to see the best in people. Most of the time ‘s actually pretty easy. ‘S only been once or twice when I haven’t found somethin’ good in a body. I really do think you’re a good guy, Azrael. A good man.” Her expression softened even more though there might’ve been a bit of mischief in her eyes. “Y’know cookies are a big part of friendships these days? ‘S totally all the rage.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jun 30, 2014 19:30:04 GMT -6
Michael looked down and kicked a small stone ahead of them on the sidewalk, pondering Winter's words for a moment. "I guess I do intentionally separate myself. I don't feel comfortable including myself with the rest of the world, I guess. I... I tend to feel rather alone in that sense too. I mean, that's the nature of what I do and what I am," he shrugged. Feeling the wind pick up, he shivered a little. <I should have brought a jacket,> he thought, the air feeling much colder than it had when he was in his other form.
Winter's surprise made him laugh lightly, the first time in what felt like forever. "I guess I'm a bit of a oddity in that sense, then," Michael grinned. "No typical wolf for me... Although, to be honest, they wouldn't be... very useful for me anyways." Her next question gave him a real laugh though, a genuine, full throated one that sounded a little strange coming from him. "Y'know, I've never actually thought about that too hard. There's a dual system, I think. Gills for underwater and regular lungs for land." Michael shrugged. "The less I think about it, the less real it is to me, I guess. And the further I can stay from those... impulses, the better."
Mike noticed his apartment building was only a block ahead. "I don't know how you manage it, Winter, but I could learn a thing or two from your positive outlook... even on me. I'll disagree on the good, and man might be stretching it... but I appreciate the sentiment," he said, a faint smile on his lips. "And cookies sound like a good plan to me. I didn't know those were a big thing anymore, to be completely honest."
|
|
Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jun 30, 2014 20:42:58 GMT -6
“Oh.” Her mouth opened and closed not once but twice once Azrael had spoken. After a moment she gently smacked the heel of her palm against her forehead. That was something that honestly hadn’t occurred to her before the shifter had made mention of it. “Now that I think about it from your point of view it makes sense. ‘S…” she shook her head and ducked against the wind. “’S not like you can tell just anyone about who you are an’ what you know. It’d be a bit too dangerous. For you an’ them.” Winter cringed inwardly. That was one of the main things both her uncles and mother had drilled into her day after day once her secret had been brought to light.
The first drops of rain really started to fall, uncharacteristically cool for the time of year. Ignoring the rain, she stared up at Azrael. "Odd ‘sn’t always bad. Sometimes ‘s the best.” Her lips tugged upwards into a small smile, cheeks reddening just a little as she tilted her head back a little more. ”Wolf shifters wouldn’t be useful to you?” Of course her next statement about the dual systems was quickly forgotten in favor of rolling her eyes and groaning as she momentarily hid her face in her hands. “Well ‘m glad that it made you laugh an’ that you didn’t think it was too stupid,” Winter told him as she finally brought her hands away from her face. “You know that’s kind of a nice laugh,” she added off-handedly before sobering slightly. “The less real it ‘s, the more you can pretend ‘s just a story an’ not really part of your life. I get that.”
Folding her arms across her chest, she watched Azrael glance off into the distance. Snickering a little her shoulders rose up and fell again. “Sometimes ‘s a case of fake it till you make it. The positivity thing, I mean. An’ that’s all right. You go on an’ disagree. Just know that ‘s there. It could help one day.” Her grin widened and she bounced lightly on her feet. “Darlin’ you just became friends with a baker so they’re always in with me.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jun 30, 2014 22:26:59 GMT -6
"Yeah... I constantly have to hide this from others. Not only is it dangerous for me, but it's dangerous for whoever might be around when I..." Mike let the sentence trail off, dying in the wind as he shook his head. "Forget about it." He fell silent for a moment, listening to her speak as he looked up at the falling rain droplets before replying again. "Well, wolves don't... really have the skill set needed for... what I have to do. An odd creature like... like the one I use is a little better," Michael stumbled through his sentence, feeling the rush of internalized torment rise like bile before he fought it down.
He smiled weakly as Winter hid her face. "Nah, it wasn't stupid at all. Sometimes you need outside people to look in. And honestly, I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Thank you for that." He glanced forward to see his building coming up beside them. "But yes, when I keep it far away, it feels like a bad dream, a nightmare... one that I have quite frequently, but something I don't have to face 24/7. It's better for my mental health that way... But I'll keep the cookies and positivity in mind. I sure as hell know I need a dose of that sometimes."
Michael stopped, allowing Winter to catch up. "This is my apartment building... Thanks for agreeing to come along with me, Winter. I... I can't believe that in the span of a walk, I made a friend in someone I met in... less than ideal circumstances," he smiled. "Here, take this." He slipped a small piece of paper out of his pocket with a pencil and quickly scrawled his cell number down before offering it to Winter. "You know where I live too, so it shouldn't be too hard to chat again sometime... or have cookies."
|
|
Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jul 1, 2014 0:04:41 GMT -6
The rest of the statement Azreal was making hung in the air between them. She cleared her throat. “When you shift an’ possibly lose control of yourself for a moment, yeah.” Wrinkling her nose just a tiny bit, Winter nodded and made a face without realizing it. Her voice was quieter than it had been their whole conversation as she watched him. “’S okay to say it, y’know. I’d like to think that I understand what ‘m gettin’ into by becomin’ your friend. I know the risks.” Not for the first time that evening she tore her gaze away from him to stare at her feet, worrying at her bottom lip as she did so.
It took her a moment before she gathered herself enough to glance back up at Azrael. “’M glad that I was able to make you laugh that much then. Everyone deserves to laugh, especially you.” She gave him a small half-smile. “That actually sounds like a pretty good coping mechanism really. Enough to get you by kinda thing. I might have to put it into use the next time I run into some less than friendly relatives.” Snorting out a rather undignified laugh, she ended up nodding along once more. “Lucky for you,” Winter began as she ignored the rain and started to look through her purse for a moment. "I happen to always carry some with me." It took another second or two of searching but eventually she brought up a small bag of cookies. “They um…They might be a bit crumbly but they’re still good.”
As she held the cookies out to him she smirked slightly. “I figured it was the least I could do to let you know that I wasn’t as bad as I first might’ve seemed,” she told him. Amusement colored her words even as she watched him write down his number and hand it to her. “I do. I um…I think I’d like that. Maybe Chicago ‘sn’t that bad.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jul 1, 2014 13:34:57 GMT -6
Mike hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the fact that he wasn’t always in control, that something could happen to people close to him. But when Winter put it so aptly, he couldn’t deny it. It was almost as if saying it made it real, something he had to confront. “I… don’t want you to feel unsafe around me. But yes, there are a lot of risks,” he said, his voice bordering on hoarse. “It means being careful, and it means me being extra vigilant to… keep other activities separate from everything else in my life. And there’s always that worry in the back of my head that I might unconsciously slip up…”
When Winter looked back at him, he could tell a little bit of light had returned to her eyes. After a moment, he felt the more morbid topic passing from conversation. Michael did manage a small smile as he listened. “Hopefully that won’t be the last time you make me laugh,” he grinned, chuckling a little. “Contrary to popular belief, I actually don’t care much for being serious all the time.” He felt a raindrop hit him on the cheek and wiped it away before continuing. “I gotta admit, it probably would work wonderfully on unsavory people. But it’s definitely not something that’s very healthy in the long term… something I still need to work on fixing.”
Michael sheepishly took the offered cookies, chuckling as he did. “Well then, I guess cookies seal friendships these days. I don’t mind if they’re a bit crumbly; cookies are cookies, they’ll still taste just as good,” he said. “And if that encounter in the alley can help make Chicago seem like a better place, I don’t know if any city can make a bad impression on you. Perhaps that’s not a bad thing though.”
|
|
Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jul 1, 2014 17:22:03 GMT -6
“Okay but consider how we met, Azrael. I think that first part about not thinkin’ you’re dangerous has both set sail an’ returned to the harbor.” It wasn’t said with any kind of rancor. Merely as a quiet observation before she continued on. “Believe me when I say that bein’ careful an’ vigilant are both things that ‘m used to by now. If you constantly worry about slippin’ up? God when it happens ‘s absolutely catastrophic. It really ‘s. I should know.” Winter sighed softly, “You don’t trust yourself. But…maybe once you really do it might things a bit easier for you.”
Her expression became something a bit more thoughtful and light just seconds later. “Honestly I think if luck, an’ the right sense of humor are on my side, you could be laughin’ at a lot.” She hesitated for a moment before gently elbowing Azrael in the side. “An’ for what ‘s worth I haven’t pegged you for one of those super serious type of fellas. I mean you’re a shifter. Not some pouty, broody teenage vampire.” The look that accompanied her words was slightly sheepish as she admitted, “Silly network TV shows will be my undoin’. Just you watch.” Winter paused then added. “Well everyone tends to have some kinda bad habit that they need to work through. Maybe that’s just one of yours.”
“Cookies only seal the really good ones.” Winter bit her bottom lip before letting herself laugh, making a bit of wiggly handed gesture as she did so. “’S not so much what happened in the alley as what didn’t happen an’ who I got to walk with, honestly.” Her shoulders lifted and fell as the downpour finally began. “I probably should call my aunt to let her know ‘m okay. Don’t need her an’ a few angels thinkin’ somethin’ bad happened.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jul 1, 2014 21:24:17 GMT -6
"I guess you're right," he sighed, thinking back to the fear and anger he had felt in the alleyway, even after he'd shifted back. There had been such suspicion and resentment to both her and the demon... It was hard to imagine just how much that had changed in the walk over. "I just still worry about it. Trusting me means... well, it means trusting the other side that comes with me. It's just something that I find really hard. Maybe when I do get over that hump, I'll feel differently, but it'll still be something hard to reconcile within myself."
Mike did chuckle at the elbowing and the vampire comment. "Y'know, I've heard they can be pretty dangerous when they sparkle..." he snickered, forgetting for a moment the reality of what vampires truly were in the world. "Thank God I don't come off as a pouty, serious guy. I mean, I certainly feel too serious often enough; it would be so much worse if I was giving off that impression to everyone. I guess that coping mechanism feeds into that a little."
Michael laughed with Winter. "I can imagine. I'm... glad I was able to make up for what happened earlier. Maybe there's more good that I need to still see in myself," he smiled. "Anyways, I don't want your aunt to be worrying about you, and I've held you up for long enough." He turned to put his hand on the door handle before looking back. "Thanks again for coming along with me. I'm glad we had a chance to chat and I'm sure as hell glad I got some cookies out of the bargain... and I think a friendship too. I hope I can prove that I'm not as dangerous to others as I think I am."
|
|
Winter Cardwell
She/Her/Herself
Nephilim
Single
Straight
Care
33 posts
Well that was unexpected.
|
Post by Winter Cardwell on Jul 1, 2014 23:16:54 GMT -6
When Azrael said that he guess she was right, Winter laughed a little. “If it makes you feel any better that whole bein’ right thing doesn’t actually happen all that often. Really. ‘S actually a bit of a rarity,” she jokingly tilted her head back, ignoring the fall of rain to stare up towards the night sky as she did so. “Maybe ‘m right because of a full moon or somethin’ like that.” When she glanced over at her new friend, the look on her face made it clear what she’d been trying to do. “Trust me then? I…Know it might seem counterintuitive but I promise that ‘m tougher than I look.”
She rolled her eyes even as she pretended to be terrified. “I know! ‘M so scared of bein’s that would look best in my grandmama’s curio cabinet!” Just like him she knew that in reality vampires were nothing to joke about. But, at the same time, it was a nice moment of levity between them. “You come off as sorta serious with absolutely no poutin’ at all.”
"Azrael y'need to stop thinkin' of it like you have somethin' to make up for with that. You reacted instinctively. It makes sense. What's important 's that both you an' Tamiel are okay." Though the rain was falling fairly steadily at this point she was still grinning widely. “No maybe about it. Not at all. There’s plenty of good to you.” Her sheepish look returned and she found herself nodding a bit while handing him a slightly damp business card. “’M stayin’ in the Hotel Palomar if you need or want to get a hold of me in the next few days. Gonna stick around a bit before headin’ back to London.” She held out her hand to him while glancing up into his eyes. “There’s nothin’ that you need to prove.”
|
|
Azrael
Male
Shifter
Single
Bi-romantic Asexual
Alex
46 posts
I am NOT someone's prey
|
Post by Azrael on Jul 2, 2014 14:17:25 GMT -6
Michael smiled. “Alright. I’m sure you are stronger than you look, so I guess I’ll have to put a little faith in you then.” He let out a small laugh as Winter rolled her eyes . “Well, serious isn’t too bad, but pouty or moody would be terrible. If anything, I’m just glad those two qualities aren’t even in the equation.”
“I guess I was reacting a little instinctively, but… well, it wasn’t a very positive reaction. I can’t say too much on the topic of Tamiel, but I do think that was a much more positive outcome.” Noticing the rain was starting to pick up, Mike took her business card and said, “I do hope it’s not too much of a walk between here and your place; it’s really starting to pour. Make sure you do stick around for a little while. Chicago’s a nice place, and I think you’d like it a lot if you have some time to explore. I hope you’re right about having nothing to prove.”
“I’ll be in touch then,” he said. He took one last moment before he finally ducked inside, leaning against the door after it closed. A million thoughts were racing through his mind, all shouting for attention. Had he really just made a friend? Was this a smart decision? Sure, Winter had said she could handle the risks, but… Michael was still so hesitant to just let go of his self-doubt, the fear of something bad happening. And then there was his mission, the one that was inherently just but morally wrong. He wouldn’t give that up for anyone, because he knew what it meant… but Winter was sure he was still good somehow. It was all so much to process. Perhaps the morning would bring some clarity, but until then he would be lost in the nightmares sleep brought on. <I hope I can prove Winter is right someday…>
|
|